So, back to holding the reigns I go. I wouldn't say this wagon is in pristine shape and trucking along with incredible veracity, but nevertheless back on this rusty, yet willing wagon I go.
Writing has been on the back of mind practically every day. I have even been jotting down different topics that inspire me to write, but then I look at the dirty dishes stacked up in the kitchen sink or hear our new baby cry out (oh that's right; Evie has surfaced since the last time we talked. Don't worry I will fill you in on every little detail, eventually) it always falls by the wayside, which in a way it really should. Other things like child rearing and taking care of the home (since I am a full-time-stay-at-home mom) should come first, but once Evie has been fed and soothed and kissed and changed, the laundry has been folded (but probably not put up quite yet); Simms then needs his nose wiped and of course a snack.
And if you give Simms a snack he'll want a cup of milk to wash it down with. And if you give him a cup of milk it will remind him of the cereal he had for breakfast. When he thinks about his cereal he'll remember the Gorilla that is on the box. When he remembers the Gorilla he'll want to go to the zoo....
Oh, sorry, kind of went off on a tangent there. Well, you get the picture thanks to a well-known and beloved children's book of ours that for some reason is in my head.
The thoughts that go through our minds as mom's.
So, anyway....during the time it has taken me to write this post I have wiped a poopy butt, changed 5 diapers, made dinner, tied Air Jordan shoestrings, buttoned up footy pajamas, then re-buttoned footy pajamas because I missed the stupid button, combed hair, finally gave myself a shower, buckled up the kids, picked up a little friend on the way to church, finally made it to church-late, loaded the kids back up in the van after church all giggling and noisy (which makes me smile), made Simms a late-night snack because he's eating like Michael Phelps right now, fed Evie, bathed Simms, read a page from The Jesus Storybook Bible, tucked the kids in, finished watching American Idol, made some chai tea with honey, and now I am sitting on the couch with my favorite cup in hand and ready for what I have been yearning to do for months.
My fingers have been aching to tap across the smooth, black keys of my MacBook and fill up what used be a lonely, white space. I love the sound of tap, tap, tap, tap, that the keys make in rapid, rhythm with every word that is formed. It is a glorious sound to me. One I hope to hear again more often.
So, again, here I am just typing and hoping that the words will continue to come, and that this moment just as everything else will not be in vain. I have learned these past few months with the blessing of Evie entering this frightening and beautiful world, that every minute, every second, is a gift that must be used to it's fullest potential. Whether that means taking time to breathe during the miraculous moment that I managed to get three kids to sleep at the same time, or not letting all the laundry that needs to be done and the floors that need to be mopped, stop me from building a "stink-bug" out of blocks with Simms. Because it's important. Because every moment here on earth matters. Because Simms knows, he knows when I'm not entirely there, he knows when I am angry, when I am sad, when I am pleased, when I am stressed. He knows in that little Pre-school brain, he knows. And because I don't want him saying, with regret, as his grown-up self, "I am going to take the time and energy to be completely present and play with my kids because my parents never did that for me." I don't want him to say that. And hopefully by the grace of God that carries me he won't ever have to say that.
So, here's to what unknowns the day brings, trying to be ok with that, and whatever moment happens to be in the spotlight; whether it's wiping that poopy butt, or that gift of silence that comes before the storm: TRYING to BE there. I mean COMPLETELY PRESENT in that moment and truly not wanting to be anywhere, but there, right there, right here.
Yea I know wiping the poopy butt is a long a shot, but you get the picture. Now go paint your own.
The Lord uses these three constantly to challenge and encourage me in the direction of being content and present with each breath.
|Matt, my husband of almost 7 years. My best friend and cohort.|
|Simms, my "4 and 1/2 year old" and crazy, loving, superhero.|
|Evie, my 10-week old, who reminds me daily, without fail, of His grace.|
|Live in the moment!|
I need this reminder daily.