I felt like I was kind of preaching at you yesterday. Now, what I said is true and is what I believe completely in my heart, but that belief may not always be so clear to others and even to myself at times. I wanted to say what I said yesterday. God moved me in such a way to share that truth, but now I want to get real about my life.Now with that off my chest (phew!), last night I was reminded, after we read John 19:28-42, that I tend to act like He is not King of my life. Just as Joseph of Arimathea did. Joseph was scared of the Jewish leaders so he was a disciple of Christ in secret. He loved the Lord, yes, but was not vocal to others about it out of fear.
Many days this unfortunately sums me up. I care and fear too much about what others think about me rather then to have Christ the King of my life, unashamedly. Now this aspect of fear in my life probably plays out completely differently then how it did in Joseph's life. I want others to like me and like all the things about me, so in turn, certain people and material things tend to define me. Those defining things and people are what become the kings in my life. This is a reoccurring struggle.
The kings of my life, if I'm honest, all turn back to people and money. Money to be able to buy things so that people will want to be me (oh that makes me cringe even as I say that!). Like having no debt, being able to buy the perfect gift for people at all times, having trendy clothes, a perfectly manicured lawn and curb appeal to die for, a decorated house straight out of Country Living, a kitchen full of top of the line appliances and all organic ingredients to cook with, being able to eat out wherever and whenever we choose, going on vacation wherever we want. Do you understand where I'm coming from? Let me explain, some of these are passions of mine and can be good, but when those things are seated on the throne of my life, my life has no meaning; in a subtle way I become a walking zombie. Less gross and stinky I hope, but a zombie just the same.
Sure a lot of that stuff is for myself, making me the king of my life, but when I think about it, a lot of it is for others; to share with them, but also to impress in a way.
Thankfully because Christ always regains His thrown on my heart, the other kings are kicked off and true Peace reminds me once again who I need to be worshiping. And if I can think of no other reasons that day to worship Him, it's like my pastor says, because He deserves it.
Tomorrow I will sing joyfully to the King who is worthy. Worthy because of the victory that He won for Himself and for you and me.
I cannot wait to worship tomorrow with every cell of my being!
I hope you have much to celebrate with me.